Where you go, I will go; where you live, I will live. Your people will be my people for your God is my God.

Friday, January 13, 2012


A post I wrote, but never published a few months ago.  Looking back it is humorous and honest, so I thought I would share. 


Its 12 noon and I am still in bed wrapped up in a bathrobe.   I have just now forced yogurt down my throat.  Just the thought of food, opening the fridge door, or washing dishes makes me want to hurl.   And any minute now I will take a break from writing to do just that. I don’t even think about what’s for lunch until it is time to prepare it.  What used to be a delight is now THE dreaded chore of the day.  Today I am taking Rafa to the center of town and treating him to whatever his little heart desires!  

And the emotions!   I keep trying to sort them all out.  But then I wonder, should I even attempt that?  Would it not be best to wait to read myself emotionally until after our child is in our arms?  The only thing that I am consistent at emotionally right now is being inconsistent.  My dear husband will look at me tenderly and ask me what is going on (with me emotions-wise) and I do nothing but fall into his arms and say “I don’t even know!!”  Then there are some times that I want to cry, but I can’t.  And whenever I don’t want to cry, however, the tears come pouring. 

I wake up for no apparent reason at least five times a night, and when the alarm goes off in the morning I am more exhausted then when we placed our heads on our pillows the night before.  But I have found sleeping after Rafa leaves nearly impossible, special thanks to the construction workers.  So I rest.  Sometimes drifting in and out of sleep, but most of the time day dreaming, reading, or praying. 

As I told my mom last night, I feel like a mentally healthy person in a deformed body.  There is so much I want to do….be productive, make new friends, explore the neighborhood, decorate our sweet home….but between the lack of energy and throwing up, it just does not happen. 

And then people ask you how you are doing. How are you supposed to answer that?  I for one used to judge pregnant ladies who always had something wrong.  And I fear that if I say anything besides “Better than I deserve!!” {Which is SO true BTW} EVERYTHING will come pouring out, especially if it’s an understanding person.  


  1. My dear Kathleen! I'm so sorry that this is how you have been feeling. As I read your post, all I could think was "Wow! How I've been feeling exactly, why couldn't I say it like that." My pregnancy didn't last long (unfortunately), but the emotions that came after it all are constantly changing. Know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you are feeling better now. Looking forward to seeing pictures of your little one. With much love, Leah

  2. Congratulations on the arrival of Baby Job! Can't wait to hear more & see pictures {a not-so-subtle hint :o). Love to you 3!